Dear 5AM Weedwacker and Friends

Just some observations. Take them as you will…

Dear 5am Weekend Weedwacker,

Please don’t yell at hooligan teenagers who play their music after 9pm if you’re prepared to wake all of creation after a long work week.

Dear 54mph Cruise Controller In the Fast Lane,

When I was 15 years old, I got the chance to practice driving with a veteran school bus driver. Before I even put the keys in the ignition, the guy taught me that driving is as much about looking ahead as it is looking around you. He said that the best drivers habitually check their mirrors and stay hyper aware of what’s happening on the road.

The left lane is for passing. The speed limit starts at 65mph or at the very least, any flow of traffic. Erratic passing, texting and talking on the phone are all dicey driving behaviors. So is an oblivious interruption to the hundreds of cars behind you. You probably shouldn’t drive 54mph on any lane of the freeway, but if you must, scoot to the right. 

No really, please.

Dear Bluetooth Chipotle Bro,

Call them back after you’ve placed the order. Or better yet, use all of your kickass technology to place an order online for quick pickup. But whatever you do, please try a little to uphold the dignity of the people serving you. Have a conversation. Treat them like humans. 

Dear Boom Box Hiker,

Headphones in nature. That is all.

Dear Dog Poop Dropper,

Perhaps your bluetooth was in and you didn’t notice, but your dog left a steaming pile of feces where kids play, strollers pass, and neighbors walk. Get creative. I personally don’t even care if doesn’t make it into the trash, but at least push it off the path with a rock or stick. 

Tell me the last time stepping in dog poop added value to your day.

Dear Restaurant Royalty,

We can all expect a level of craft, experience and behavior from restaurant servers, but please keep yourself in check. If you’re the type of person who sends food back two or three times, complains about a wait at peak hours of operation and you never had a reservation, maybe eating out isn’t for you.

If you dislike your experience that much, don’t leave a tip. Just stop degrading people over chicken parmesan.

Dear Honks-at-Cyclist or Jogger,

You’re driving a two ton hunk of metal. It scares the crap out of people trying to get fresh air when you feel the urge to direct unnecessarily high decibels in their general direction for the hell of it. And did I mention pedestrians have the right-of-way? Oh, and they don't wear flashing lights and neon shirts because they think it looks cool.

They wear them because getting hit by a car seems like a really bad idea.

Wave a walker across the road. Give a cyclist an extra lane. Don’t be a jerk.

Side note: There’s a special place in hell for drivers who “roll coal” or smoke out people in their monster trucks. 

Dear Leaves Mattress, Etc. In Desert,

Last I checked, your mattress, dresser, TV and dryer are non-biodegradable. That means when you leave them in a naturally beautiful backdrop, they taint the environment for future generations. If they’re lucky, maybe they’ll get some buckshot, an Office Space-inspired deconstruction or a fresh coat of paintballs, but I still prefer the desert (forest, mountain, beach) as it is.

Have you heard of Craigslist? Swip Swap? OfferUp?

You’ll not only save the cost of gas, keep yourself from breaking a sweat, and save the environment - people will buy your crap! Yes, money in your pocket. Who knew?! And if you can't sell your used items, donate them to Goodwill where they might improve the lives of those in need.

Dear Microwaves Fish In Office,


Dear Self-Righteous Writer,

Everyone is a work in progress. It starts with looking outside yourself to recognize that the world is a massive, interconnected web of relationships. How you conduct yourself consciously and subconsciously shapes that world for everyone. Open your eyes, look around, then look within.

It’s little acts of self-awareness and discipline that build a brighter tomorrow for all.

What can I or others work on to make the world a better place? Comment below.