Welcome to the rat race. Everything is a competition and if you haven't already heard, nobody else matters. That world out there making its orbit, it's circling you. Sure, you left late, but road rage is justifiable considering traffic should have known you were coming and gotten out of your way.
Burst at the seams. Erupt onto anyone who doesn't fall in line. Don't slow down. Shoot from the hip, deflect blame and follow these 5 Surefire Ways To Make Certain People Forget You.
- Be the smartest in the room: This timeless approach exudes confidence. Everyone is quick to trust the man who can't be taught. In fact, there are few things that lead mankind better than someone who knows it all.
- Point out only what is flawed: Solutions are a cop out. The best way to solve any dilemma is to obsess on the brokenness. Enlighten your peers as to the many pitfalls in their creative approach and interrupt any momentum toward progress.
- Fear change: The best way to get new results is to repeat the past. It's important to snub the embers of collaboration before they ever catch flame. The future burns on predictability and traditional processes. Innovation is the enemy to success.
- Talk loudly: When rationale falls short and you've exhausted No.2, speak louder. Your team will instantly pivot, directing immediate respect toward the loudest in the room. Best of all, volume drowns out any chit chat that might snowball into creative thinking.
- Refuse to apologize: Humility is a sign of weakness and vulnerability. Remember, you are above fault. You explode without remorse. Seize every opportunity to assume and never seek clarification. Don't ask questions. Savor the tangents. Never, ever take ownership. It's all their fault.
It's time to become the man everyone forgets. It's time to lose your place in history. Win the rat race and distort your reality. Long live lunacy. Embrace the norm. And always, always inflate your self-worth.
Oh, and never use sarcasm.
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